AGE ADAVANTAGE PASS NO UNDERSTANDING

My mom was born in 1911... that makes her 96...it's several generations passed.. let me explain my nature...being da daughter...her youngest of 10... I'm looking through my adolesence...stages...happy ...carefree...loving my journey... as a child growing up..with my nieces and nephew around with me in age... life was very profitable...never complained...need 4 nothing...from mom or dad... had a lot of love from her being there...as my teenage days approached my cycle...it got pretty rough..being i had some problems trying to make people know how i felt...being the youngest...i started being called..a brat...why do u put up with this girl...she's a handful mom...don't wanna listen to anything you say...although i felt.this was just a phase we go through in life...found it got worse for me....now don't me wrong...i was a little outta hand..but...looking like other than...what was expected of me..a little flower..da scent was baby power fresh...with tons of weight...thick..over...developed...yeah that's right...chesty...now i'm 17...ready to meet guys ...hangout...party with my friends...well u can inage...what that was like...my mom's in her 50's by now...the space in time..was serious...she had 8 people living together in one household...with moodswings...dad was getting older...working hard as da wonderbread baker i decided...to go out one day ..to west village..taking my nieces...when i got home...boy..did i hear it...plus ..da school called...said i've been missing attendance...A NO SHOW..started cutting school..with a mixed breed of friends..in society..u couldn't tell me from white girls 2 spanish..i was both..but Black...the situation started getting more intense...thinking it was alright bac in those days it was crazy to look at a white guy for friendship...i'm 18 now...learning my indentity...got in2 my self..became liberated...changed identity...these friend i thought was there for me...became a lost cause to victory...black came outta me so bluntly..radical negro...nigga was suddenly my forte...recieved no kinda respect...heard slurs..in school...she'a changed...she thinks it's ok to stay our friend...when she don't wannabe...but as the years progress..i met a lot of guys who liked sheila..but i chose to turn my bac...u see they were white and curious about my body..they sopke on guys bac then search to get pussy..out of race issues..well...it happen..i finally got fucked...up that is...a boy named Ralph saccio..beat me up..coxz is told another..i lked him..where he got me in da school yard..punched me in my chest..torn my dress..then we went to battle..where his mom accused me of wanna have sex with him..that what he said to her..i was apalled...cried my eyes out...they callrd my mom..where she came up and got me outta the situation...told the RALPH'S MOM..I QUOTE...I'M SORRY FOR HER BEHAVIOR..I ONCE AGAIN FELT LIKE SHIT...THIS GUY WAS LOOKING UNDER MY DRESS...FOLLOWING HOME FROM SCHOOL THREATNING MEand she apologizes...what gives with that...was on punishment 4 a week..with no friends over..no phone calls or visits..oh yeah..he was a white boy. true..i have plenty hangups about looking lightskin...especally when ..my own sistahs dispies me for being in company with my own black counterparts...when i look bac...i think 2 myself...what would it take...be translucent...with flesh..looking like water...but ya know what got me outta it..when i had my own family..when i looked at there faces in levels of time..da joy of raising color clear..bronze and beautiful inner city reflection...a comodity in which God's richness all started from CARAMEL...MY MOM AND DAD...which made me who i am..a very good looking woman. "IT'S BEEN A HARD PILL TO SWALLOW" SEEING HER THIS WAY just had 2 let that out...now at 96..she hurts..she changed on me alot..dropped so much weight afraid to go see about her health...because...da doctors told us months ago...she hads a lump on her breast...she arrgues with me ..everytime.i meantion did u make an appointment mom to go to see botanna...she replies i'll go when i'm ready..well it got heavy today..she threw a fit..told me to get out...locks her door..which i resent...tell her not to do this..falls asleep..won't open it up . the Brotha and i run da house..where there is 7 of us in our family ..where we grew up...now lives me and mines..my dughter and son has da upstair apt...while i'm alone in da basement..where i like it..my Brother is upstairs in his room..while mom's in her room..alone..24 /7 days out of a week..it kills me ..she don't like any one coming into our home tending to her..i'm willing to provide..da care needed ..but .."sigh"...i work 12hrs a day ...my Brother works..my and and daughter works..she' left all alone..she'll greet me ..when i return..like she hasn't seem me in yrs it's scaring me..my sister is suffering from diabetes..even after her going to da doctor constantly she''l stll vist after her appointments...it's showing me..she's failing..i'm so scared to lose my mom..she's my heart..my love endings..please God...i love her so..wanna say..your the force..that lives inside..tahnk u so much...what's a Daughter to do after...U TRY 2 MAKE IT THROUGH.... "GET PASS NO UNDERSTANDING"...help me ..somebody... Sheila..T Jordan...Create...