THOUGHTS 2 REMEMBER

WHEN YOU LEARNED ME..I WAS A FRAGILE ITEM..A LIGHT.. WITH LOOKS YOU SAY ..DOES NOT LIKE YOU...I AM THE OUNCE DROPPED IN2 YOUR REALM..YOU DIDN'T KNOW WHAT YOU HAD...A WOMAN WITH MANY HISTORICAL LIFEFORMS...WORN IN SILENCE..BUT U BROUGHT ME OUT..NOW I'M OPEN...RELAXED ON DA PHONE...ONLINE...IN SILENCE..WHERE YOUR EYES SPEAK AND YOUR SOUL LED ME TO YOUR BODY OF WHICH I GAVE MINES 2 HOLD ON TO U FOREVER...WHEN I SEE YOUR SMILE IN A STORM...RAINS DOWN ON MY DRAWS...EATS CIRCUMFERENCE..WHICH SURROUNDS ANGLE OF MERCIES WORN..THE EVILS..I'VE BEEN DEALING WITH...WHO SPEAKS OF..IS SWEET..WITH A SMILE..WHO LIGHTS YOUR WORLD...U NEVER KNEW I AM A RAINBOW COLLISION A QUESTION..BECAME ANSWERS UNSOLVED...A CONTSTANT REMINDER OF WHO SHE IS...WHAT IS SHE...BUT I DIDN'T KNOW MYSELF...THE WORLD KEPTED ME AS..A FREAK OR A NERD...A ALIEN WITH A PLANET UNLIKE OUR EARTH..I WAS MOLESTED...BEAT...STARTED CARRYING A GUN..BUT YOU WOULD NEVER THINK..I GOT UPSET WITH DA QUESTIONING AS A THREAT..I CARRIED A GRUDGE..I WALKED AROUND.LIKE LIFE HAS NO RIGHTS..2 BE INSIDE MY HEAD...I HAD ALL TYPES OF ELEMENT THINKIN I WAS WHITE..SPANISH..EVEN JEWISH..EVERYTHING BUT BLACK...WAS ASK ALL THROUGH MY LIFE..HAD WHITE GUYS WHO WAS INTERESTED...WASN'T PREJUDICE..BUT I WASN'T INTERESTED..WHEN I GAVE IT A CHANCE...I DIDN'T LIKE THE OUTCOME..FOUND OUT LATER ..HE TOLD ALL THE GUYS IN DA NEIGHBORHOOD..INCLUDING HIS HOMIES..BLACKS..WHICH..THEY WERE LOOKING AT ME AS A SLUT..MY NAME WAS SHIT AROUND MY AREA..GUYS WOULD JUST COME AT ME FOR FUN..LAUGH...SAYING...WOW THAT SURE WAS SOME GOOD PUSSY..COMPARING MY BODY..TALKING ABOUT MY CHEST..WHICH I WAS VERY TOP HEAVY..I HAD A COMPLEX EVER SINCE 15..I SHARED EVERYTHING WITH MY HEART IN MIND..SO U WOULD KNOW WHO I AM ..NOW IN DA PRESENT..GIRLS WERE VERY JEALOUSY OF ME..I DON'T HAVE TO THIS DAY...TOO MANY WOMEN FRIENDS...I KEEP A DISTANCE...I HAVE FRIENDS THAT LEFT NY..MY TIGHT BUDDIES..SOME BECAUSE OF FALLING FOR MY BOYFRIENDS..SEVERAL ATTEMPTS WERE MADE ..RIGHT IN MY HOME..RIGHT BEHIND MY BAC..OF WHICH..THE BROTHAS TOLD ME..GET RID OF THEM..THEY JUST TRIED TO KICK IT WITH ME BEHIND YOUR BAC..THAT'S SOME SHIT..IT'S JUST JEALOUSY..WHEN MY DAUGHTER'S WERE GROWING UP..THERE GIRLFRIENDS WOULD EVEN BE CHECKING OUT WHO I WAS WITH ..BECAUSE ..THE GUYS WERE YOUNGER THAN ME..THEY LOVED MY COMPANY..THEY LOVED HOW I RAISED MY KIDS...AND TOLD ME SO..TO THIS DAY..I'M FRIENDS WITH THE SAME GUYS..THERE MARRIED WITH KIDS NOW.. LIKE ME AND THEY COME OVER ..SAYING THANK YOU FOR BEING A GOOD WOMEN AND FRIEND OF MINE..THANKS MAKES MY DAY GO BY WITHA A SMILE.. I KNOW HOW TO BE A LADY WITH CLASS..THEY CAN'T STAND HOW I GOTYOUNGER LOOKING MY WAY AT MY AGE..BUT I'M ALWAYS BEING COMPLIMENTED..NOW DON'T GET ME WRONG..OTHERS AROUND MY AREA WAS DEALING WITH COUGARS2...BUT I DO KNOW ..I'M NOT TAKING NO SHIT FROM ANYONE..NOT EVEN MALE COMPANIONSHIPS..I GET MY CHANCE..IF IT BECOMES ROUGH..I LET GO AND HAVE GOD HANDLE EVERYTHING FOR ME...I HAVE A FRIEND...HE KNOWS WHO HE IS..HE..I SAY..IS MY BROTHA..MY SOLJAH..MY PARTNER...MY LOVE..HE KNOWS HE IS MYSPACE..MY BLOG...MY BLACKPLANET..MY LIVE JOURNAL...MY ONLY MALE COMPANION..NOW TIL THIS DAY..I'VE BEEN CELEBATE FOR 6 YEARS..WITH NO SEXUAL HEALING..MY LORD HANDLES ME..I DON'T KNOW HOW I MADE IT..SOMETIMES I'D THINK..WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING HERE..WHEN MY EX-HUSBAND SAID GOODBYE..DUE TO AN AFFAIR..HE HAD ON ME..WITH THE WOMAN HE'S MARRIED2..TO THIS DAY..WHICH HAS BEEN 25 YEARS...HE FOUND I WAS PREGNANT..TOLD MY MOM THAT HE'LL FIND AN APT FOR ME...ALL EXPENSES PAID..BROUGHT ME BAC FROM NEW JERSEY..WHERE I MOVED ME...WHERE WE LIVED UNTIL..I FOUND HIM IN DA WRONG..WHERE I PACKED UP MY THINGS ..CALLED MY MOM...WHERE HE TOOK ME BAC TO QUEENS..NEVER GOT THE APT..LEFT ME WITH 2 CHILDREN AT THE TIME..WHERE I STAYED WITH MY MOM..UNTIL I GOT MY OWN PLACE...RIGHT AROUND THE CORNER IN A TWO BEDROOM APT..I LIVED ON WELFARE..MET MEN..WHERE I DID MYSELF AN INJUSTICE...DID DRUGS...DRANK..SMOKED WEED...NOW U KNOW..I HAVE NOTHING 2 HIDE FROM U ..PARTNER...THE TRUTH..I LIVED DANGEROUSLY ON MY OWN..MY HUSBAND TRIED TO TAKE OUR DAUGHTER..WHEN HE DID..I THROUGH HIM DOWN THE STAIRS..TOOK HIM TO COURT AFTER I WAS IN CHARGE OF HIS COMING AND GOINGS..THE COURT MADE HIM PAY FOR CHILD SUPPORT...WHEN MY THIRD CHILD...OUR SON WAS BORN..HE TOOK CUSTODY..WE AGREED..SO..NOW I AM A BITCH..A MOM THAT GAVE RIGHTS OVER ..DUE TO LAZINESS.. I AM NO LAZY WOMAN BY NO MEANS..THE COURT THOUGHT I NEEDED SOME TIME AWAY..THE TRUTH..I WAS A MESS..SO I WENT INTO THE HOSPITAL..I BECAME THE TARGET OF DRUGS AND ALCOHOL.. POISONING...DETOXED..CAME OUT WITH FLYING COLORS AND GOT A JOB WORKING AS A COOK AT KENNEDY..WHILE WELFARE FOUND OUT..I WAS WORKING ..THET CUT ME OFF...IN RETURN..I GOT MY OWN HOUSE..WHERE THE NEXT PROBLEM CAME INTO MY HOME..MY NEPHEW ROBERT..HE HAD A DRUG PROBLEM..WHERE IT BROUGHT HOME PROBLEMS WHERE I LIVED..THE MAN I WAS WITH AT THE TIME WAS ..I FIND OUT LATER..HE WAS SELLING DRUGS FROM MY HOUSE I WAS RENTING..THE POLICE SHOWED UP ONE NIGHT RIGHT AFTER I GOT HOME FROM WORK..FOUND OUT THE GIRL AND HER MAN WHICH RENTED DOWNSTAIRS IN THE BASEMENT APT WE HAD..HE WAS WITH HER SELLING THE DRUGS..THE STORY DIDN'T STAND WELL WITH THE COPS..SO I HAD TO GET OUT..HE MESSED UP MY PLANS TO BE A HOME OWNER THROUGH A MORTGAGE..I WAS RENTING TO BUY..NOW MY CREDIT WAS SHIT....I GAVE UP EVERYTHING FOR MY KIDS..GOT HIM AWAY FROM ME..MY FAMILY..MOVED BAC HOME WITH MY MOM AND DAD AGAIN..THIS MAKES TWO TIMES..I CHOSE BY FAITH..TO BE ALONE UNTIL MY CHILDREN WERE ALL GRADUATES..AND MOVED ON WITH THEIR LIVES..IT'S BEEN 28 YRS AGO..SINCE I HAD ANY INCOUNTERS WITH THE LAW..MY YOUNGEST SON..WAS DEALING CRACK..ROBBED OUR NEIGHBORS HOME..HIS FATHER GOT KILLED FOR NON-PAYMENT OF CRACK.WHERE..AS A RESULT.. THE KIDS FOUND OUT ABOUT HIS DEATH..NATHAN JUST REBELLED....HE WAS 11 WHEN ANTHONY GOT KILLED....WENT OFF IN A RAGE..PLACE HIM IN DRUG REHABS.. FROM THAT DAY ON..HE WAS IN TROUBLE FOR ABOUT 7YEARS STRAIGHT..NOW..AFTER ALL THE PAIN AND SUFFERING..WE MADE IT THROUGH..I BECAME A SINGLE BLACK MOM..WITH GRADUATES..WITH THEIR BACHELORS..MY OLDEST SURVIVES THE 9II AFTER WORKING AT THE AIRPORT IN 89...OUT OF SCHOOL..WORKED HIS WAY FROM BAGGAGE HANDLER... TO CUSTOMER SERVICE REP..TO CORPORATE ADMIN FOR PORT AUTHORITY IN NYC..PLUS..IS AN ACTOR..UP IN COMING..AN ART MAJOR..MY DAUGHTER..AN ARTS MAJOR..BOTH TRIED ACTING IN THEIR SCHOOLS..MY SON RUSSELL ..U CAN GO TO MYSPACE..WHERE HE HAS ALL OF HIS BIO..MY DAUGHTER IS NOW PURSUING HER LIFE AS WIFE..MOTHER OF THREE..AND PURSUING HER MASTER'S OF PSYCHOLOGY..MY YOUNGEST MADE ME A GRANDMOTHER AGAIN..WITH TWINS GIRLS..I'M A VERY PROUD MOTHER...IF U FIND ME A GOOD PROVIDER..I DID WHAT A MOM HAD TO DO..I SAVED MYSELF AS WELL...THIS MAN WHO I HAD IN MY BEING..WAS A PEDOFILE..HE HAD A HISTORY OF LOOKING AT YOUNGER WOMENS' DAUGHTERS..HE GOT HIS...I MADE SURE OF IT...THANK YOU GOD FOR ALLOWING ME TO PRESENT THE TRUTH ABOUT SHEILA'S PAST..I AM THROUGH...BUT I DO NEED LOVE FROM MY FRIENDS AND LOVEONES..I WROTE A BOOK..OF POEMS..I AM AN ARTIST..GIVEN TALENT...I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS LINE MENTIONED FROM MY CHILDREN...WHERE THEIR IS LOVE..MOM'S BEEN THERE...IT'S TIME FOR U TO DO YOUR THANG..LET US MOVE ON AND MAKE YOU PROUD OF US ...I THANK YOU...CREATE..DTITLE 2B DISPLAYED..MY CASTLE..MY WORLD..MY EXISTING POEMENTRICAL..ADVANTAGE...WILL KEEP YOU OPEN..WHERE I'M THE NAME...CREATE...THANK YOU FOR LISTENING... WRITER>..SHEILA T JORDAN