DO U LOVE ..ME..STILL

WHAT COMES AS A SECRET..I WRITE..I'M PUZZLED..I'M DISILLUSIONED..SPEECHLESS...IT APPEARS WHILE I'VE BEEN DESTINCT 2 BELIEVE..IMAGINE..WHAT'S HAPPENING2 ME..IS SILENCE..WITHOUT WORDS SPOKEN...IN THE EVENT I'M BEING MISINFORMED BY MY OWN ASSUMPTIONS...LET ME WALK AWAY LIKE NO ANSWERS TO QUESTIONS NOT BEING ASK..WHAT IS ..DO U LOVE ME..DO U WANNA BE...DOES IT FOLLOW YOU DAY BY DAY...AM I DA REASON TO ENGAGE IN ACTIVITES YOU FEEL OR NEVER REALLY WANTED ME 2 KNOW..SO I'M LEFT WITHOUT AN NOTION OR A THE TOUCH OF BODY LANGUAGE..SENDING U BAC FROM WHENCE WE STARTED...ALL I KNOW IS MY ARMS HAS NO EMBRACABLE U..NO LICKS OR SUCKING OR KISSING OR HUGGIN..OR EATING LAVISHLY..OUTTA SITE..OUTTA MIND..UNCONTROLLABLE...RUBBIN MYSELF EVERY NIGHT...SAVAGELY HEATED..ROLLING AROUND IN MY BED..TRYIN TO FIND WHATS AVAILABLE TO HOLD ONTO...MY SHEETS ARE WET IN ONE SPOT MY HANDS FEEL THE LIKENESS OF PRETENDING THOUGHT..I CRY ..I LIE..I CAN'T STAND IT ANY LONGER..BUT..I DO..IDO..IDO WANT WHAT THOUGHT BRINGS 2 FOCUS.. EVERY EVENING WHEN...I CLOSE MY EYES AND ACHE.. LIKE PAIN IN MY ASS...BUT IT FEELS SO DAMN GOOD..WHEN I DREAM ABOUT HAVIN IT THAT WAY..STONE COLD..WITHOUT A BLANKET TO KEEP ME WARM...WITHOUT LIPS TO KISS..WITHOUT HAIR TO PLAY WITH..WITHOUT THE TASTE U CONSUME WHILE LOWERING THE BOOM..I GO STARK RAVING MAD IN MY ROOM..WHERE THERE'S NOBODY BUT ME..MYSELF..MY HEART..WHO WEARS MY LOVEAFFAIR..MY DREAM...THE WISHBONE BREAKS..MAKES DECISION TO GO MAD WITH PASSIONATE 4PLAY..2 KEEP LOVE WITH YOU AND GO DOWN..ATTEMPTING 2..CREATE ME..THE HUNGRIEST MUNCHABLE URGE 2 OPEN UP MY MOUTH AND DEVOUR THE INTERNAL ORGAMISMS..U..AS I FEEL TIME CALLIN ME IN YOUR ARMS...EYES OPENED WIDE TO..ANOTHER WOMAN..AGAIN ANOTHER..I SIGH..ANOTHER DREAM UNFOREFILLED..WITHOUT DA TRUTH.. EXCUSE MY BEHAVIOR..I MADE A MISTAKE..IT WASN'T YOU AFTER ALL..FORGIVE ME DICK TRACY..GOTTA STOP HAVING THOSE NIGHTMARES OF BEING YOUR WIFE..I'M JUST..TIRED OF WAITING..PERIOD...ENUFF SAID..FEEL ME BOO..MY PERSISTNESS CAN'T STOP FEELIN U..I'M IN LOVE...STILL..WITH THE SAME LIE AFTER I CLIMAX....FEELIN HIM..I'M AROUSED ALL THE TIME..I GO TO BED WITH TEARS IN MY EYES..WANTING YOUR PAST TO SAVE OUR DRAWS FROM SATURATING..DROWN FROM FLOODING OUR THOUGHTS OF SEXUAL HEALING..NOT..NEVER HAD AN OPPORTUNITY TO STAND IN FRONT OF HIM AND SAY GOODNIGHT..WHEN YOUR OVERLY EXPOSED 2..BEING HORNY BY NATURE..SO SORRY..THE HEART GROWS FONDER...I CAN'T HELP MY FLUTTER...MY PULSATION..BUT..I AM NOT YOUR RELEASE 2 TRANSCEND...HAPPINESS..SO I STAY LOCKED AWAY..IN PAIN..HURTING...WITHOUT A CHANCE IN HELL OF DICK TRACY IN MY BEDROOM..THE QUESTION STILL REMAINS..IS IT ME??..IT'S BEEN SO LONG...I FORGOT HOW 2LOVE..WANNA GET CLOSE...U STAINED WHAT'S NOT THERE..A MAN I WANNABE WITH FOREVER..THIS IS MY TRUE CONFESSION..I AM LONELY WITHOUT U..I WAIT PATIENTLY...2 WEAR YOUR INSIDES..WHERE I RELEASE DA TECHNIQUE OF STROKEN..YOU DECIDE..MAKE UP YO" MIND...WHAT'S IT GONNA BE..CREATE...SHEILA

MISBGOTTEN

DEFEND WHO..ONE WHO IS VUNERBLE 2 SPEAK...GETS SCREAMED AT..WHERE HER HEART KNOWS NO LOVE..BUT YEARNS TO BE LOVED...MAKES ATTEMPTS TO CLAIM HER DEVOTION..WALKS AWAY FROM DESIRES SHE KNOWS NO KINDNESS FROM VICIOUS OUTCRIES AND BATTERED HANDPRINTS LEFT ON SCORN SKIN..WITH HATRED AND GUILT...SHE BLAIMS EVERYONE ELSE BUT HERSELF...ACHES INSIDE..TALKING BULLSHIT...I'M SO SICK AND TIRED OF PEOPLE'S OUTCRIES..BUT CONTINUES TO WEAR THAT NIGGAZ FILTH ON HER VAGINALS..ACTING LIKE IT'S A PHASE ONE GOES THROUGH EXCUSING THE DISEASE AS COMMOM HOUSEHOLD TRAGEDY...WHAT THE HELL GOES ON WITH A LOVE BONE CHARACTER..CHASING RAINBOWS WHERE SKIES ARE DARK AND DINGY..LIKE GERM INJECTS..I'D LIKE TO CHANGE THE COURSE OF GENERICS AND WIN THE PROCESS OF RETURN MISTAKES...ONE TIME AROUND THE BEN..IS ENOUGH TO KILL..CHOKE THE LIVIN DAYLITES OUTTA YOUR BREATH..WHERE YOUR LIFE DOES NOT EXCEPT...THE BATHROOM MAY CLEASNE THAT OUTER DEFECT...BUT A NATION WITH ALL KINDS OF CARRIERS THAT LIVED OVERSEAS AND THEN SOME...LEFT A PLAGUE ON THIS EARTH...MAN HAS TRULY LEFT NO CURE...WHERE THE BODY IS CLANDESTANT TO MAKE NO CHANGES...YOU WAKE UP ..THANKING THE LORD FOR LIFE GIVEN AND YET...WHEN YOU COME FACE TO FACE WITH BLOOD RELATIVES..IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT FOR THEIR BIRTH..YOUR THE WORST PERSON TO EVER EXIST IN THEIR LIFE...I LAID A EGG AND IT GREW..IT EMERGED LOOKING LIKE ME..IT FIGHTS THE FORCES...CAN'T LET GO OF..SO WHEN LOVE IS IN THE SAME CIRCUMFERENCE..AN AREA OF CARE REVEALS NOTHING...YOUR THE TARGET OF SHIT..I GAVE OF MYSELF ON LABOR DAY...I WORE A SMILE AND RECIEVED THE SAME...I GOT NO HUG OR KISS TO GUARANTEE..IT WAS OK...INSTEAD..I DIED BEFORE LIFE HAD A CHANCE TO WEAR A HAPPY FACE...AND IN THE HOURS OF FEELING TOTALLY FUCKED...I HAD ONE GOOD REASON FOR BEING THERE..MY GRANDBABIES ..THEY ARE BEAUTIFUL...HELD..KISSED THEM..I HAVE NO REGRETS ON MY JOURNEY TO DISCOVER LIFE...WHICHED KICKED ME IN MY ASS... WHERE IT HURTS...BUT..I'M NO GRUDGE..WEAR NO FROWN OR A TEARDROPS COMING DOWN..I'M A HEAD OF THE WILLS AND I'M DOCUMENTED A MOM WITH A SKILL...IF YOU CAN'T FEEL WHAT DA HEART IS GIVEN..WHAT I'M ABOUT..WHERE YOU'VE TAKEN ME OUTTA YOUR HEART.. WHEN A MAN OR FAMILY..TELLS YOU ABOUT YO'SELF..I'VE DID MY PART..FEEL..I HAVE BEEN BLESSED..I KILL NO DREAMS...I HOLD ON TO WHAT GOD HAS INTENTED FOR ME...I LOVE ALL MY CHILDREN..NOT ONE DO I TREAT ANY DIFFERENT..IF YOU DON'T WANNA BE AS ONE..WHEN THE EARTH FALLS..I WILL STILL BE STANDING TALL..AS MOTHER...DAUGHTER...SISTA...AUNTIE...GODMOM...NO MATTER WHAT YOU FEEL...I HAVE MY OWN DEFINITION BRINGIN LOVE BAC IN DA HOME...IT'S CALLED THE STRUGGLE OF A BLACK WOMAN...WITHOUT ANY REASON 2 BEATDOWN MY OWN..YOU GOT BEAT DOWN..LIKE YOUR MOM YEARS AGO..WHEN LOVE DON'T SEE PASS NEWBORNS...YOURS IS BUT A PASSING FORM .THAT BLOSSOMED..TO GROW..LEARN FROM YO' MISTAKES..WAKE YOU UP AND GO ON YOUR OWN...IT'S CALL ADULTHOOD...LEAVING YOUR ASS 2 MATURE..BECOME...MYPASS INTENTIONS..YOU RELIVED ME...THANK YOUR LORD..FOR BECOMING RESCUE..PLEASE HANDLE HER GERM..U..WITHOUT WHOM..IS ONE WHO WALKED AWAY WITH NO GOODBYES...I THANK YOU FOR GIVEN ME THE RIGHT DECISION TO GO...I BOARD DA BUS..TO THE TRAIN...CAME HOME ALIVE..WITH NO GUILT IN MY SOUL WHATSOEVER....U MUST GET PASS BLAIMING...I LOVE U DAUGHTER..SORRY I CAN'T MAKE YOU HAPPY...CREATE

JUNGLE JUICES REPITOIRE

I AM A WEIGHT..BEING LED DOWN THE AISLE LIKE YESTERDAYS BELL TOILS AND CHURCH ORGANS..WHY IS THAT..LIKE..A OLD MADE REPEATS YEARS PAST..TRYIN 2 MAKE THIS LAST...LIKE A CANE ..WHICH INTERPIDS TIME I HAVEN'T HAD 2 ENJOYED LIFE..WHAT'S EARLY IN DA DAY..WHERE I WANNA BE THAT FIRST ENCOUNTER..AFTER TRIALS AND BLATANT CONDUCT U POSSESS WITHOUT ANY PROBLEM...NOW U MOURN MY SILENCE..U WALK AWAY BROKEN..U LEAVE ME ALONE..WITHOUT THANKFUL MOMENTS...U GO IN2 SECLUSION...CAPTURING FALLS I MAKE...LOSING ALL RESPECT FOR..WHAT WAS ONCE ...A LOVE ETERNAL...I DIP INSIDE MY TEARDROPS..I CLOSE MY EYES AND REFLECT,,,TIMES THAT WERE EVERLASTING..WHEN..YOU HELD ME SO TIGHT..U LOOK ...WALK AWAY IN SILENCE..WALK AWAY FROM WHO I AM TODAY..SEE PAST MOMENTS..STRETCHED UPON MY SUMMER MADNESS...MY JUNGLE FEVER..YOUR PAST RELATIONS..WHY DOES THIS BECOME SO DELIRIOUS 2..YOUR LOVE HANDLES...WHAT I CARRIED THROUGH OUT GENERATIONS...THE WARS OF PAST HISTORY...WHERE EYES SEE NO MORE YEARS..JUICE LABELS ME UNFIT FOR CONSUMPTION..LEAKS OF SPILLED MILK..WHAT CURDELS.. BECOMES COTTAGE CHEESE..INSTEAD OF MY GLORIOUS FLEXIBLE BODY LANGUAGE..YOUR MARRIAGE VOWS...FLOATS DOWN STREAM..LIKE A WITHERING FLOWER U CAN NO LONGER APPRECIATE... JUNGLE JUICE ESCAPES..WHERE STRENGTH GOES BESIDE STILL WATERS...WHERE MY BODY REMAINS...CLOSED..ENCAGED...MUMMIFIED..MOVEMENT WEARS NO FLESH TO GAIN..SO SILENTLY..I DIE..PAIN..THE LIFE..SECRETIONS OF SAND...THE EARTH GATHERS...WHERE I WEAR U NO MORE...ONE LOVE...WHERE I REMAIN YOUR..FAITHFULLY DEPARTED..one man who lives his life ..his woman..leaves her unloved after the dreams leaves sight..should think before his lovehandles she adquires...the touch..feels her love too late.. when da fires gone..kills the dream..CREATE

FOR MALCOLM/ "AN ANSWER 2 BLACK QUEENS" YOU TUBE..MY THEORY

SHE BOLDLY WALKS WITH SIGMENT AND PRAISE...SHE GALIVANTS AROUND WITH SCARLETT LETTERS TO INHANCE...SHE WASHES HER FACE AND HANDS ...SMILE LIKE THE GOLDEN SUNSHINE OF BERMUDA'S WARMTH IN PARADISE...SHE GRACES YOUR STAGE..AS A MIC WITH SPEECH...SHE'S YOUR ANCHOR.. WHAT'S RELEASE TALENTS..AS A STATURE OF LIBERTIES... SHE DANCES LIKE A DOVE...FLIES LIKE THE WIND IN A TROPICAL SEA BREEZE...SHE'S WISKED AWAY FROM HOME..TO YOUR ARMS...WHERE YOUR WARM EMBRACE...GATHERS CHARM..STAMINA...HER STRENGTH OF MALE HORMONES.GENERATES..A MAN WHICH BECOMES THE FOUNDATION...HE'S KEPT LOVE THROUGHOUT..WHILE EYES CAPTURES EVERY MOMENT..SHE WAKES IN THE MORNING...SHE HOLDS YOU IN HER ARMS..KISSES YOUR SOUL'S ECLIPSE..ONCE IT TRAVELS PASS DARKNESS..LIGHT BREAKES IT FORM..ARRIVES YOUR COMFORTER...YOUR QUEEN..YOUR WOMAN...THE ART CREATES WHAT BECOMES IT'S FACTOR...TO MAGNIFY...CONNECTS THE SKIES...WHERE SOLAR TAKES CONTROL OF NUBIAN POWERS THAT BE...YOUR BLACK BEAUTY...BLACK ACTIVITY..WHAT GOD GAVE MAN FOR HIS STRUCTURE..WHAT HE BUILDS ALONG HER JOURNEY...TO DISCOVERY...AFRO AMNESITY..HISTORY LEARNING...AN OPAL..THE GEM.. THE STONE UNTURNED..HIS SOLID ROCK...SISTAHS WITH ELEMENTS..THE TASTE TRANSFORMED.. 2 GATERADE...THE DRINK...I CELEBRATE..U..HIS WIFE...HIS MOTHER..HIS SISTAHS...AUNTS..HIS DAUGHTER...HIS GRANDCHILD...FOR WITHOUT THESE SEEDS..MAN LOSES HIS BACKBONE..RIB 2 EXISTING WOMAN...THE VILLAGE...FAMILY..A HOME..WHERE I COME AS KING...YOU ARE MY EVERYTHING...SHAPES ME..WHERE I BECOME YOUR LAND..YOUR FIELDS...YOUR SWEAT...YOUR MEALS...THE WHIPS...CHAINED MEMORIES..NOW RELEASED..DA FREEDOM 2 SPEAK...EDUCATED..LIBERATED...WHERE BOOKS WERE DENIED OUR BRILLANCE...THE END OF OUR STRUGGLE NOW BEGINS..U ARE THAT TEACHER..WHO TOOK TIME 2BECOME MY PROGRESS..NOT PROCESS 2 ELIMINATE FUTURE AFRO AMERICANS...I BOW DOWN MY QUEEN...IN YOUR HONOR..MY BATTLES FOR PEACE...HAS WON CREATION...U..A MONARCH.. BEAUTY..A RAINBOW DEFERRED..SEED..UNITY..PEACE..CREATE.

MY SURPRISE HAS ARRIVED

THIS IS TO MY ROSS THE SKIES HAS OPENED TO A NEW PLATO OF LIVING...WHERE MONTHS HAVE GROWN TO ANOTHER AGE FOR ME..WITH THIS IN MIND...IT BECOMES A REALITY...YOU AND I HAVE WHAT NOONE HAS HAD SINCE LAST YEAR...AND NOW MY SURPRISE HAS DRIVEN ME TO OWESOME FLIGHTS THAT CARRIES ME TO YOUR DOOR..WITH A THANK YOU SO MUCH ,MY BUDDY....MY FRIEND...MY LOVE MY NEVERENDING MIRACLE..YOU...I AM SO HAPPY THAT I MET YOU...I CAN'T GET OVER ..HOW MUCH YOU MAKE ME FEEL..THE GIFTS ARE SO PRECIOUS AND SWEET...THE KEYCHAIN//YOUR CRAZY..ALCATRAZ..LOLO..U GONNA LOCK ME UP HUN...YEAH..THAT'S A GOOD THANG YA KNOW I DON'T MIND A BIT...THE HAT..NOW YOU KNOW TATIE LOVES THE SOCKS..SHE HAD A FIT.. THERE SO CUTE...NOW THE JERSEY...I SCREAMED...I HAVE 5 OF THEM...MY FAVORITE WEAR..I BOUGHT NEW YORK..DALLAS...COWBOYS...SAN FRANCISCO49ER..YEP..HAD THAT ONE FOR YEARS....MARLENS..AND NOW YOURS...DAMN..THIS IS THE BEST BIRTHDAY I HAVE EVER HAD..I LOVE YOU LANNIE..YOUR THE BEST...I GOT HOME AND EVERYONE ONE'S EYES WAS WAITING FOR ME TO OPEN THE PACKAGE UP..LOLO..MY MOM HAD HER OPERATION TODAY ON HER EYES..SHE HAS CATARATS AND GLOUCOMA ..SHE FELT HER WAY WHAT YOU GAVE ME AND SAID.. GOD BLESS HIM..HE'S MAKING MY DAUGHTER VERY HAPPY...SHE SAID STAY FRIENDS WITH U FOREVER..YOUR VERY NICE MAN...MY SISTER..BROTHER..MY SON..ALL SAW THE THINGS...NOW..WHEN ARE GOING TO SEE HIM SHEILA...THEY ASKED..WHEN HE'S READY TO...THANKS AGAIN..WORDSONGS..FRIENDS FOR LIFE..I FEEL SO GOOD ..THIS IS HOW YOU'VE ALWAYS MADE ME FEEL..I'M ON A CLOUD..FLOATING AWAY...RIGHT TO THE WEST COAST...SOON..VERY SOON...THE JOURNAL IS OWESOME...YOU GAVE IT TO ME ..AFTER MAKING IT FOR YOUR MEMOIRS..AWWWWWWW LANNIE..THAT'S KOOLLLLLLL BUDDY..I CHERISH IT FOREVER..U FOREVER..WE...ENTITY..WITH NO PROBLEM KING... THE QUEEN IS PLEASED..PEACE..P.S..I AM A HEALTHY SISTAH..I THOUGHT YOU KNEW...MY BAZOOKAS ARE PRETTY BIG..SO I HAVE TO WEAR THIS JERSEY WITH A TANK UNDERNEATH..WEAR IT LIKE A JACKET...BUT..IT'S FLYYYYYYY..NYC TERM...FLYYYYYYYY FOR DAYS..JUST SO HAPPENS..I GOTTA A ORANGE TANK TOP TO WEAR WITH IT..SMILING...HEAVEN MUST OF SENT YOU FROM ABOVE..FRESCO..MEET THE BIG APPLE..YELLA GURL..IT'S BEEN A PLESURE BAY AREA...SHAYLA..AKA..CREATE

THOUGHTS 2 REMEMBER

WHEN YOU LEARNED ME..I WAS A FRAGILE ITEM..A LIGHT.. WITH LOOKS YOU SAY ..DOES NOT LIKE YOU...I AM THE OUNCE DROPPED IN2 YOUR REALM..YOU DIDN'T KNOW WHAT YOU HAD...A WOMAN WITH MANY HISTORICAL LIFEFORMS...WORN IN SILENCE..BUT U BROUGHT ME OUT..NOW I'M OPEN...RELAXED ON DA PHONE...ONLINE...IN SILENCE..WHERE YOUR EYES SPEAK AND YOUR SOUL LED ME TO YOUR BODY OF WHICH I GAVE MINES 2 HOLD ON TO U FOREVER...WHEN I SEE YOUR SMILE IN A STORM...RAINS DOWN ON MY DRAWS...EATS CIRCUMFERENCE..WHICH SURROUNDS ANGLE OF MERCIES WORN..THE EVILS..I'VE BEEN DEALING WITH...WHO SPEAKS OF..IS SWEET..WITH A SMILE..WHO LIGHTS YOUR WORLD...U NEVER KNEW I AM A RAINBOW COLLISION A QUESTION..BECAME ANSWERS UNSOLVED...A CONTSTANT REMINDER OF WHO SHE IS...WHAT IS SHE...BUT I DIDN'T KNOW MYSELF...THE WORLD KEPTED ME AS..A FREAK OR A NERD...A ALIEN WITH A PLANET UNLIKE OUR EARTH..I WAS MOLESTED...BEAT...STARTED CARRYING A GUN..BUT YOU WOULD NEVER THINK..I GOT UPSET WITH DA QUESTIONING AS A THREAT..I CARRIED A GRUDGE..I WALKED AROUND.LIKE LIFE HAS NO RIGHTS..2 BE INSIDE MY HEAD...I HAD ALL TYPES OF ELEMENT THINKIN I WAS WHITE..SPANISH..EVEN JEWISH..EVERYTHING BUT BLACK...WAS ASK ALL THROUGH MY LIFE..HAD WHITE GUYS WHO WAS INTERESTED...WASN'T PREJUDICE..BUT I WASN'T INTERESTED..WHEN I GAVE IT A CHANCE...I DIDN'T LIKE THE OUTCOME..FOUND OUT LATER ..HE TOLD ALL THE GUYS IN DA NEIGHBORHOOD..INCLUDING HIS HOMIES..BLACKS..WHICH..THEY WERE LOOKING AT ME AS A SLUT..MY NAME WAS SHIT AROUND MY AREA..GUYS WOULD JUST COME AT ME FOR FUN..LAUGH...SAYING...WOW THAT SURE WAS SOME GOOD PUSSY..COMPARING MY BODY..TALKING ABOUT MY CHEST..WHICH I WAS VERY TOP HEAVY..I HAD A COMPLEX EVER SINCE 15..I SHARED EVERYTHING WITH MY HEART IN MIND..SO U WOULD KNOW WHO I AM ..NOW IN DA PRESENT..GIRLS WERE VERY JEALOUSY OF ME..I DON'T HAVE TO THIS DAY...TOO MANY WOMEN FRIENDS...I KEEP A DISTANCE...I HAVE FRIENDS THAT LEFT NY..MY TIGHT BUDDIES..SOME BECAUSE OF FALLING FOR MY BOYFRIENDS..SEVERAL ATTEMPTS WERE MADE ..RIGHT IN MY HOME..RIGHT BEHIND MY BAC..OF WHICH..THE BROTHAS TOLD ME..GET RID OF THEM..THEY JUST TRIED TO KICK IT WITH ME BEHIND YOUR BAC..THAT'S SOME SHIT..IT'S JUST JEALOUSY..WHEN MY DAUGHTER'S WERE GROWING UP..THERE GIRLFRIENDS WOULD EVEN BE CHECKING OUT WHO I WAS WITH ..BECAUSE ..THE GUYS WERE YOUNGER THAN ME..THEY LOVED MY COMPANY..THEY LOVED HOW I RAISED MY KIDS...AND TOLD ME SO..TO THIS DAY..I'M FRIENDS WITH THE SAME GUYS..THERE MARRIED WITH KIDS NOW.. LIKE ME AND THEY COME OVER ..SAYING THANK YOU FOR BEING A GOOD WOMEN AND FRIEND OF MINE..THANKS MAKES MY DAY GO BY WITHA A SMILE.. I KNOW HOW TO BE A LADY WITH CLASS..THEY CAN'T STAND HOW I GOTYOUNGER LOOKING MY WAY AT MY AGE..BUT I'M ALWAYS BEING COMPLIMENTED..NOW DON'T GET ME WRONG..OTHERS AROUND MY AREA WAS DEALING WITH COUGARS2...BUT I DO KNOW ..I'M NOT TAKING NO SHIT FROM ANYONE..NOT EVEN MALE COMPANIONSHIPS..I GET MY CHANCE..IF IT BECOMES ROUGH..I LET GO AND HAVE GOD HANDLE EVERYTHING FOR ME...I HAVE A FRIEND...HE KNOWS WHO HE IS..HE..I SAY..IS MY BROTHA..MY SOLJAH..MY PARTNER...MY LOVE..HE KNOWS HE IS MYSPACE..MY BLOG...MY BLACKPLANET..MY LIVE JOURNAL...MY ONLY MALE COMPANION..NOW TIL THIS DAY..I'VE BEEN CELEBATE FOR 6 YEARS..WITH NO SEXUAL HEALING..MY LORD HANDLES ME..I DON'T KNOW HOW I MADE IT..SOMETIMES I'D THINK..WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING HERE..WHEN MY EX-HUSBAND SAID GOODBYE..DUE TO AN AFFAIR..HE HAD ON ME..WITH THE WOMAN HE'S MARRIED2..TO THIS DAY..WHICH HAS BEEN 25 YEARS...HE FOUND I WAS PREGNANT..TOLD MY MOM THAT HE'LL FIND AN APT FOR ME...ALL EXPENSES PAID..BROUGHT ME BAC FROM NEW JERSEY..WHERE I MOVED ME...WHERE WE LIVED UNTIL..I FOUND HIM IN DA WRONG..WHERE I PACKED UP MY THINGS ..CALLED MY MOM...WHERE HE TOOK ME BAC TO QUEENS..NEVER GOT THE APT..LEFT ME WITH 2 CHILDREN AT THE TIME..WHERE I STAYED WITH MY MOM..UNTIL I GOT MY OWN PLACE...RIGHT AROUND THE CORNER IN A TWO BEDROOM APT..I LIVED ON WELFARE..MET MEN..WHERE I DID MYSELF AN INJUSTICE...DID DRUGS...DRANK..SMOKED WEED...NOW U KNOW..I HAVE NOTHING 2 HIDE FROM U ..PARTNER...THE TRUTH..I LIVED DANGEROUSLY ON MY OWN..MY HUSBAND TRIED TO TAKE OUR DAUGHTER..WHEN HE DID..I THROUGH HIM DOWN THE STAIRS..TOOK HIM TO COURT AFTER I WAS IN CHARGE OF HIS COMING AND GOINGS..THE COURT MADE HIM PAY FOR CHILD SUPPORT...WHEN MY THIRD CHILD...OUR SON WAS BORN..HE TOOK CUSTODY..WE AGREED..SO..NOW I AM A BITCH..A MOM THAT GAVE RIGHTS OVER ..DUE TO LAZINESS.. I AM NO LAZY WOMAN BY NO MEANS..THE COURT THOUGHT I NEEDED SOME TIME AWAY..THE TRUTH..I WAS A MESS..SO I WENT INTO THE HOSPITAL..I BECAME THE TARGET OF DRUGS AND ALCOHOL.. POISONING...DETOXED..CAME OUT WITH FLYING COLORS AND GOT A JOB WORKING AS A COOK AT KENNEDY..WHILE WELFARE FOUND OUT..I WAS WORKING ..THET CUT ME OFF...IN RETURN..I GOT MY OWN HOUSE..WHERE THE NEXT PROBLEM CAME INTO MY HOME..MY NEPHEW ROBERT..HE HAD A DRUG PROBLEM..WHERE IT BROUGHT HOME PROBLEMS WHERE I LIVED..THE MAN I WAS WITH AT THE TIME WAS ..I FIND OUT LATER..HE WAS SELLING DRUGS FROM MY HOUSE I WAS RENTING..THE POLICE SHOWED UP ONE NIGHT RIGHT AFTER I GOT HOME FROM WORK..FOUND OUT THE GIRL AND HER MAN WHICH RENTED DOWNSTAIRS IN THE BASEMENT APT WE HAD..HE WAS WITH HER SELLING THE DRUGS..THE STORY DIDN'T STAND WELL WITH THE COPS..SO I HAD TO GET OUT..HE MESSED UP MY PLANS TO BE A HOME OWNER THROUGH A MORTGAGE..I WAS RENTING TO BUY..NOW MY CREDIT WAS SHIT....I GAVE UP EVERYTHING FOR MY KIDS..GOT HIM AWAY FROM ME..MY FAMILY..MOVED BAC HOME WITH MY MOM AND DAD AGAIN..THIS MAKES TWO TIMES..I CHOSE BY FAITH..TO BE ALONE UNTIL MY CHILDREN WERE ALL GRADUATES..AND MOVED ON WITH THEIR LIVES..IT'S BEEN 28 YRS AGO..SINCE I HAD ANY INCOUNTERS WITH THE LAW..MY YOUNGEST SON..WAS DEALING CRACK..ROBBED OUR NEIGHBORS HOME..HIS FATHER GOT KILLED FOR NON-PAYMENT OF CRACK.WHERE..AS A RESULT.. THE KIDS FOUND OUT ABOUT HIS DEATH..NATHAN JUST REBELLED....HE WAS 11 WHEN ANTHONY GOT KILLED....WENT OFF IN A RAGE..PLACE HIM IN DRUG REHABS.. FROM THAT DAY ON..HE WAS IN TROUBLE FOR ABOUT 7YEARS STRAIGHT..NOW..AFTER ALL THE PAIN AND SUFFERING..WE MADE IT THROUGH..I BECAME A SINGLE BLACK MOM..WITH GRADUATES..WITH THEIR BACHELORS..MY OLDEST SURVIVES THE 9II AFTER WORKING AT THE AIRPORT IN 89...OUT OF SCHOOL..WORKED HIS WAY FROM BAGGAGE HANDLER... TO CUSTOMER SERVICE REP..TO CORPORATE ADMIN FOR PORT AUTHORITY IN NYC..PLUS..IS AN ACTOR..UP IN COMING..AN ART MAJOR..MY DAUGHTER..AN ARTS MAJOR..BOTH TRIED ACTING IN THEIR SCHOOLS..MY SON RUSSELL ..U CAN GO TO MYSPACE..WHERE HE HAS ALL OF HIS BIO..MY DAUGHTER IS NOW PURSUING HER LIFE AS WIFE..MOTHER OF THREE..AND PURSUING HER MASTER'S OF PSYCHOLOGY..MY YOUNGEST MADE ME A GRANDMOTHER AGAIN..WITH TWINS GIRLS..I'M A VERY PROUD MOTHER...IF U FIND ME A GOOD PROVIDER..I DID WHAT A MOM HAD TO DO..I SAVED MYSELF AS WELL...THIS MAN WHO I HAD IN MY BEING..WAS A PEDOFILE..HE HAD A HISTORY OF LOOKING AT YOUNGER WOMENS' DAUGHTERS..HE GOT HIS...I MADE SURE OF IT...THANK YOU GOD FOR ALLOWING ME TO PRESENT THE TRUTH ABOUT SHEILA'S PAST..I AM THROUGH...BUT I DO NEED LOVE FROM MY FRIENDS AND LOVEONES..I WROTE A BOOK..OF POEMS..I AM AN ARTIST..GIVEN TALENT...I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS LINE MENTIONED FROM MY CHILDREN...WHERE THEIR IS LOVE..MOM'S BEEN THERE...IT'S TIME FOR U TO DO YOUR THANG..LET US MOVE ON AND MAKE YOU PROUD OF US ...I THANK YOU...CREATE..DTITLE 2B DISPLAYED..MY CASTLE..MY WORLD..MY EXISTING POEMENTRICAL..ADVANTAGE...WILL KEEP YOU OPEN..WHERE I'M THE NAME...CREATE...THANK YOU FOR LISTENING... WRITER>..SHEILA T JORDAN