today's thoughts/Goodbye Auntie

It's tuesday...where am i going...to virginia...it's coming to a close...the face of my mom...her sister..my aunt...have 2 get myself together...say goodbye...what a drag...don't want this to take place..living one moment..looking at a casket the next...i always imaged what it's like..i knew there would come a day to let them all go...sadness been playing a part so many times...3 ...to be exact...preparation makes me feel...i'm as close as a will..planning... what must be done...for my children...u leave them..but u have no funds to spread among your lifeline...a family..my grandchildren..and then some...when my eyes look beyond this point and time...i get very emotional...reject going home...where seed procreates the begin...not...leave the flesh and blood human...from the cradle 2 the grave...how final is that..although..i know this is the process to regain heaven...let go of earth's beginning...your growth doesn't appear...unless it's mention...older...time passed so suddenly..wanna do more...wanna be the example...to change the system...we read so critical...so demanding...orders...how we speak...talk to one another...to stand at a podium...annouce yourself as create..da title...with eyes looking on in amazement..be proud to know..you life wasn't left in vain..but love lives inside this life...what more can u give...how much time is left for yourself...when i see the future in my sight...my book...a warm country cottage..with a home...acres of land...a quiet place...a good man...compassion...to take care of u....wow..that's what my aunt mattie bullock had...a woman who never had children...married twice..where her last love..my uncle george..was the da best..he left her in many years bac...but..i never experience a love so beautiful in all my birth..they owned and operated a funeral home..both..mortisans...burying others...now i'm witnessing hers...kinda weird...my mom was floored...was a rough 4 days so far...at 96..she's still with us...how did we tell her...very cautiously..but suprisingly enough...she shocked all of us..she handled it like a trooper...told me..i'm fine my baby daughter...you are why i hold on...my family..i love you all...but that night..i went to her room...where i knocked..she din't answer..i heard her crying..i opened..where she looked up at me and said...hold me please..i need a hug...at that moment...i cried with her..must we go through this all over again...i'm saying goodbye now...aunt kitty (aka) mattie u will be missed..like her husband used to say...SUGAHPIE..WERE INSEPARABLE..NOW THERE TOGETHER...Peace..Create

th

San Francisco Blues

WHILE ON MY WAY TO WORK ONE DAY...I STAND BY MY BED...LOOKED OUTSIDE MY WINDOW...THOUGHTS OF DISTANCE SHORES..WHAT SEPARATES...WARM HEARTS AND COOL PEOPLE...I DRIFT AS DA WIND PLAYS TRICKS WITH MY PERCEPTION..."THINKING" WHAT'S CLEAR TO MENTION...SO I GO 2 SPEAK...BUT... THERE'S NO CONVERSATION WHEN I'M LOST IN TRANSLATION...ONCE AGAIN ...I DRIFT IN2... WHAT HONORS CLOSE FRIENDS WITH NO PEOPLE..WHAT AM I DOING...WHAT AM I 2 PUBLIC OBSERVATIONS. WHERE I'M A SMALL SUBJECT...IN A LARGE CROWD OF HUMANS...A LIGHTBULB APPEARS OVER MY HEAD...CHANGES THINGS...I'M SO TIRED...FUSTRATED...FEELIN INCOMPLETE...WHAT WONDERS...WHILE ALL AROUND ME LEAVES...I CONSTANTLY KEEP...MY MIND... LOSING..WANNA BE CLOSE TO U...I PROBABLY NEED A VACATION EVERYTIME... I SEE FRIENDSHIP AT A DISTANCE...FORGIVE ME 4 BEING SO OPEN...HONESTLY...IT'S JUST..LIFE AS I SEE IT...KEEPS FADING AWAY..WITH NO WORDS NOTICE...DEATH HITS ME...ONE MO' TIME...I CAN'T REACH ANYONE FOR COMMENT...NOT EVEN WHEN IT'S POETRY...SORRY .... THOUGHT I MENTION....BUT IT'S LONELY WHERE I AM...WALLS CLOSE...WHERE COMFORT THINKS IT'S A WAY TO FEEL LOVED...THINK AGAIN...PEOPLE ARE ALL AROUND ME...BUT...I DON'T SEE OPTIONS...SOMETHINGS MISSING....IN MY HEART...DA LINES ARE CAPTURED BY..DA STRENGTH I 'VE GIVEN...I KNOW I'M APPRECIATED...BUT...WHERE DO I FIT IN...IT SOUNDS LIKE A PITY PARTY ROUTINE...BUT...I'M LOOKING AT MY LIFE...AS A FAVOR...NOT A FRIEND..CREATE

BATTLE

When will my cry go away from mixed nuts and battered dreams..they stay among the violence and greed...they grin and bare comments u can't concieve in this life..coz you've heard it all time and time again...it's just a joke...pay it no mind...when mind got you all in2 this mix...wanting to be saved...where hypocracies continues 2 follow your path...smiling on da outside...crying on da inside of yourself punishments... where i persecute self...life creates a format...says hello...goodnight..see ya tomorrow ..with generosity..wearing a smile...but your back faces mortal combat...it's time 2 play games and motion around this indivdual..weakspots..i'm a tender morsal...the gifts my mom brought forth...a timely princess..what changed in2 an eagle ..who targets da world's cingular atlas...ms americans..2..whats sweet...but bitter.. behind closed doors...the makings of you are 2 simple but...blatantly outspoken...so you give da flava of a creampuff...soft...irresistable...where the pringle taste limps it's flava...dissolves..this human...raging out loud...challenges lifeforces... the battle is on...your the one they wanna know betta..becomes a crucial..pictorial..nationwide..what carries u through happier times...melts your heart...killed the noise...leaves da room..like you don't exist at all...what's with this mood...i'm become what others see...a smile...with hello...speech...my worse enemy..in a silent atmosphere of skeltons...da dead motionless..recess...when time takes it's break from being ...da real thing...battles..what's won....where do i go now...i'm drowning life...Create

DA WORLD NAMES U...HIM

I B COME DA ONE IN A MILLION YOU...THE EYES... WHICH CAPTURES LIFE...WHO..GAVE YOU A MOUNTAIN...2..RAISE YOURSELVES FROM LEARNING...WHEN...TIMES YOU WERE MY FRIENDS...NEIGHBORS...POLITICIANS...CLERGYMAN...I WAS YOUR TOTEMPOLE..THE TIKI OF STRENGTH...THE FORTUNE OF MEDIA..THE ISLAND..WHERE ONCE... I CROSSED OVER...THE MILLIONS I CONTRIBUTED MY TITLE...MY BRAIN...MY GIFT OF LIFE FOR MAN...CHILDREN....ANIMAL..MINERAL...THE FOREST...WHERE I FIRST BECAME...THE FLESH...THE BLOOD...THE CHEMICAL...WHICH FORMS...CREATE...SHUN THE BAPTISM...THE WATER WAS SPLASHED..WHAT GOD PERFORMED ..A WOMAN.. RIB OF MAN....TO PROCREATE..AND DA BEAT GOES ON....THE RHYTHM ...WHO.. BREAKS DOWN...LIFE..MEET IT'S EQUAL...SOULS INTRODUCTION 2 MY ETHNICITY..

the day of mother/

a tribute... H A P P Y M O T H E R ' S D A Y this is the day that tradition had made...the day she shines...displays her kindness love and compassion...she hold the key to parenting...gives all that she can be... when times get rough...she'll become an access..2 banish hatred...fear and pain she takes care of your laundry...cooks your favorite meals...heals your wounds when times get tough...makes you believe...when test are hard...you'll do better.. next time...builds self confidence...reminds u...your her child..will always be the sparkle...the happy moments when...your birth arrived with a smile...when love walks away from difficult times...she'll heal you..from the pain..gives good advice...knows what best for you...wipes the slight clean...start all over again...thoughtout your lifetime she'll always be...the single ..most precious lady...woman...mother...the jewel of the nile whatever she is to you...her crown holds the seat...the thrown...Dads better half....today is your day mom....let's lift every voice and sing...for her...life surrounds..the beauty...the vision....the rightious preaching...the biblical upbring...the strong backbone...your the best female any child wants...i thank you..for putting up with my wrong doings...but understood with discipline..you became da tool ...repaired my fate...GOD BLESS YOU...FAMILY.... SHEILA T JORDAN....CREATE

MOTHERLODE

i been doing things with my grand on fridays after they get outta school...we've gone to the movies to see iron man...da week b4 that coney island..yes folks ..it's still around..not closed yet.. sharing time is the most important thang in life ..i feel ..mothers and grand ..is availabile for their lives...when i was raising my children...i made it a point to take them out every weekend ...Only if...they brought home good grades...well...it's many years later...now i'm finding myself participated time with their children (my grand) my first born now is 13now....don't know where the time went...and well u know how i think..or do u..if not..let me continue...it's a girl...name ..Tatiana..we call her..tata..evidently has been keeping things away from her mom...so she comes home from school on one of my days off..(Friday)..we made plans to go to the movies..they wanted to see supamovie the comedy...it was hilarious....that night..tata..comes to me witth her report card...i looked ...said ..what is going on with your scores..her response was..she passed...but..they were just passing marks ..with comments i wasn't pleased with...said..but tata..your not doing your work..what 's going on in class..your skillz are lacking...this is not you..what's the deal girl.. i asked....she got silent...this is the most important time of your life..where you go from junior .2 high ...gotta take your work more seriously... days gone by..here it's monday..her mother and i have da same days off work...where i hear her arguing with tatie...why are your scores so low..when you go to after school program..you ask me to go to da library to study...well...it appears ms polly purebread's been lying all along...hanging in the schoolyard with these very aggressive ..hardcore females..she's being led..i'm ferious...my daughter wants to punish her ..take away computer time...no game playing ..no company...well i want more than that...i wanna get her a tutor...what eliminates the outside world from contact..one on one supervision..her mother doesn't agree...i'm staying out of it ..we don't see eye to eye anyway..she said i was a drill sergent...always was on her bac..yelling all the time at her when she did something wrong...so i stay outta of her way..she's a christian ...church going..very devout about God...but .i've been her only supporrt..from childhood...being they lost their father..getting shot in da head..left me alone to raise..the 2..mind you..he was my second relationship after i got an divorce from my husband...they went through alot..Nate especially... after his father's death at 11 yrs he was hell on wheels 4 me...wouldn't go to school...found smoking on da school premises..cut all the time...drugs..weed ..weed...weed..finally he get put away for being involved with an attack on an indian boy inda halls ...thought it was gonna be alright...wrong...he split every chance he got..would come bac to da house..it got real hectic..started cursing at me..talking bac...telling me to shut da f..up..yes and then some....now he's a uncle...looking at his niece..yelling at her about how important it its to study stay in school away from no good inviormentally unstable kids..like he was..they put him in a special ed class..where he rebelled on me ..his grandmother..sister ..my brotha tony..stole everying of value out da house....hated the world after his dad got killed..he even hated the fact he left this earth by getting killed..ain't that a bitch...used to draw tombstones on paper in jail..send me letter like this..with teardrops..falling down his face..on2 da tombstone..that spelled R.I.P. POPS..U LEFT ME...TO DA STREETS..WHERE MY FAMILY IS..NOT MOMMY'S HOUSE...MY HOMIES..THEY DON'T UNDERSTAND SHIT..BITTER AS HELL...BUT IT'S 12 YEARS LATER.. i look at his progess..no drugs..no drinking...just power drink vitamin waters and working out in da basement....stays with is girlfriend all da time ..here...who i might add...is a schoolteacher..she went to scool all the time..they grew up knowing one another for years...isn't that irotic..plus..get this...her mom's name is sheila and her married name is Jordan...plus..she works where i do..airport..doing the same thing cooking..but for da airplanes..i'm with the terminals...wild ..right..lol....she's helping him now ..with his school work..helps me ..with him...he's blessed now..but there's 2 girls in his life... more outside..i don't like them coming to da house...asking for him..some of them are from the street ..when he used to get in trouble all the time..i have to be stern..with my actions...speak harsh..when i really don't want to..i tell them ..to not come here looking for Nate any more..he has a girl that's disrespect to him..they just don' care....now ..it's tatie...shes carries an attitude from the street..had to yell at her yesterday..where she turns her back and walks away....don't walk away from you grandma..get bac here..i reply..then she will say..she's sorry..but still ..her mantality is about to tell on her progress as a student...and she's smart..thats what hurts..but lazy...what's a mother...becoming a grandma ..gonna do..kick her ass..naw..just help her..love them all..the hype takes over ...children will rebell like it's your fault...i know...i was one of them...da cycle repeats itself..that's what so scary about it...gotta stay on top of things..event after you become a mother.....psychology..is a bitch..gotta be your own master...teach..discipline..all your life... Peace 4 now..CREATE

comes and goes

his is a story about a girl ..we shall call...vintage...the kind of person who lives one moment in time..she takes her time ...in meeting title...looks at where it takes her...so she sees a specticle....with amber ways and social decisionst...she finds him the greatest thang since birth...where God 's plan is magnificent...the root...the foundation of life..what a wonderful way to start living...but as da days and night meeting lines written...his charm and grace set my pages flowing...he's in 2 what i am...poetry in motion..feeling what this man gives... days moved on...it got harder and harder to adapt...as chapters of his life began...now it's getting serious... not joke in da matter... i get access of family..friends..social circles...vantage starts breaking...she fall apart ...she crumbles..where his spark showed problems..in his life...this wasn't eazy 2 see...suddenly gains footage...looks at his past...she reads....every night after work...waking up with this family unit...missing days of sleep...reads..see how he use to look....wasn't exactly what i wanted 2 believe...a writer herself....she grasp at the knowledge of such a man ..who would share his world in criminology..the backwards of street .where smoking cigars..laced with shit...taking me through his life...it became very difficult very difficult at first..but as da weeks went in2 months ...i had to got a hold of me..i got hooked...not so much..fundamentally..but...romantically..sounds crazy...but true...right.. no joke..his looks started pleazin me..so much..got sex appeal...pretty eyes and lips...my God..he's turning me on...dam..this is not suppose to happen...the duckling ..we call ugly...became a king..strong and mighty..fine as black in da rough battle...like biblical reading..the book of Jesus..God's son...so i da story of david...sal connected da 2...from disbelief 2 making da news..he's now a big celebrity...with millions staring at his life story...now i'm scared...he's such a magnificent person i will lose the poetry partner to his fandago..dance..sing..writing painting..distributing..his title...he so well loved...vantage comes a little to late for love..in his life..so she comes and goes ..because he does...not 2 say it's been a long journey with ya...absolutely fantastic..got no complains soldier...it's just me...i fell 4ya..hard..deep...sensual..sweet.. a woman like me.. in da time of her life...where she should have everlasting paridise..with palm trees and beaches..that tells a story of romance..loving a man like you...you just wet every inch of me..just when change begins..i am going through..a change of life..keeps me wanting you every night...hasn't been eazy my friend...your pleazin 2 da eyes..my stomach gets butterflies..my heart get weak..the soles of my feet start to tickle..wheni pretend to feel ya touchin them..rubbing..lol..crazy..how i think...but not ..when what comes and goes...leaves...don't know whether to let it go or stay..understand?..don't ..please don't look at me.as... an issue or mental state..my factities are well at hand...i've just been through so much pain in my life as well..i won't address them like u do...this is a new adventure..sharing footage..meeting someone for da first time...long distance...u say u i can't love u..well baby.. that's a negative...you got me..i admit ..u got me..and i know a lot of others feel like i do...don't fake da funk...proceed your title playa..u know who u are....how could u not believe...where it's been..how it began and where it's goin...coming in2 your life..PEACE...u know