Wednesday, February 18, 2009

SURVIVAL

WHAT DABBLES INTO MORTAL MAYHEIM..LIVES DAY BY DAY..COURAGEOUSLY FORMING A SENSE OF PRIDE IN WHO YOU ARE AS..WOMAN..TO A WORLD WHICH FACES CHANGE AND CARRIES WEIGHT AMONG THE PASSION OF CHRIST..JESUS..TO LIVE HIS WAY OR BE GONE..WITHIN YOUR INNER CHILD...I'VE BEGAN TAKING A CLOSE LOOK AT PEOPLE..THE SPOTLIGHT WHICH PLAYS AN ACT OF FALSEHOOD IN MY HEART..WHERE BETRAYAL IS GROWING RAPIDLY..ASKED SO MANY QUESTIONS RELATED TO FEELINGS..MY INNER CHILD'S WAY TO HANDLE WHAT CAN'T ESCAPE.. WHAT KEEPS YEARS REFUSING TO EXCEPT LIFE..CROSSED..AS THE CLOCK TICKS..IT'S HANDS TALK..IT LETS YOU KNOW..THE VISION OF STAYING IN TUNE WITH WHAT YOU ARE..WHAT YOU WANNA 2 BE AND WHO TAKES CHARGE OF SHEILA..YOU OR THE SPIRIT WHICH LIVES INSIDE.. ON FEB 14..I WAS HANDED DOWN AN REALITY CHECK..NO..NOT CASH..NOR A LOOK OF CONFUSION..JUST A WAKE UP CALL..I CAN'T GET OVER..MY SOCIAL LIFE WAS PUT ON HOLD..DUE TO A HUMAN BEING..I GAVE MY ALL TO..NEVER..EVER WENT THAT FAR FOR A MAN..BUT I DID..IT WAS LIKE I WAS HYPNOTIZED..WHERE MY EYES MADE CONTACT WITH A HEART OF GOLD..I STARTED VISUALIZING MYSELF IN THEIR COMFORT ZONE..FEELING THEM IN MY CIRCLE..A FULL 360 DEGREES OF GENERIC HARMONE..WALKING AROUND MY EMPTY SPACE..ACTUALLY GRINNING..IMAGINING IT WAS A PAGE IN MY BOOK..I NEEDED TO HAVE AND WOULDN'T CLAIM ANOTHER INDIVIDUAL LIVING WHERE THEY MARINATED..MELTING EVERY SINGLE PART OF MY BEING WHAT WAS FELT..SO I STARTED WRITING A BOOK..EXAMINING A CLOSED ROOMS WITH CANDLES BURNING AND SUCCULENT SAGE..WITH MOISTURE CAPTIVATED BY OUR LIPS.AND PULSATING HEART..I STARTED TOUCHING..GRABBBING..HUGGING MY MIND..I WORE NO SHEETS OR GARMENTS..I REFUSED 2 BE LET DOWN..SO I CREATED A BREW OF PASSION FRUITS..2 TASTE..LEFT ON THE SIDE OF MY NIGHT STAND..NOW REMEMBER..I ALLOW MYSELF TO EMERGE IN CLOSE PROXIMITY..PLANNING HOW I WOULD SEDUCE MY VICTIM..I WOULD LEAR THEM INSIDE MY INNER CHILD..START PLAYING..BY RUBBING THEIR ARMS..CHEST.. ANTAGONIZING MY BODY..LICKING THEM UNTIL ALL OF THERE FLESH WAS WET BEYOND MEANS OF PERFECTION..LOOSING OURSELVES..FOR I WAS WHAT CARRIED A LONG..LONG THANG FOR THIS SPIRIT IN ME FOR THEM..DO U KNOW HOW IT IS TO WEAR THE FLESH OF A MAN WITHOUT HIS SURFACE..WITHOUT KNOWING HIM FORMALLY..HIS EYES CONTACT..WHICH REFLECT OFF ON..HOW DOES IT FEEL..ME..WELL..U CAN IMAGINE HOW THIS WAS DRIVING ME TO THE POINT OF WHERE I JUST WOULD BREAK DOWN AND BITE MY WORDS EVERY TIME I WANTED THIS MAN..THE NERVE ENDINGS WERE IN CONTROL..BUT MY HEART STARTED RACING OUT OF CONTROL..FOR MORE THAN A YEAR..I PLAYED ON IT..FIGHTING THE FORCES..PREVENTING MYSELF TO BE TOGETHER.. WHEN THE TRUTH WAS..I WASN'T AT ALL..THIS BEAUTIFUL CURRENT..DRAWING HIMSELF TO ME..STUCK IN POSITION..AT..HOME..IN BED..OUTSIDE..IN THE PARK..EVERYWHERE I WANTED TO HAVE HIM..THE GENTLEMAN FEELS IT'S A FUNNY THANG..TO SEDUCE.. CUDDLE..AS A WEB..LIKE A SPIDER..AS THE DAYS ..WEEKS ..WENT ON..THINGS STARTED TAKING PLACE IN MY HOME..SICKNESS..PAIN..DEATH..STRESS..LONELINESS...ANGER..SELFISHNESS.. ARGUEMENTS..DRINKING..SMOKING..DATING..BLOWING THINGS OUTTA PROPORTION..LEFT HOME FOR AWHILE..SILENCE AND NO POETRY WRITING..NO HEARING FROM OTHERS INTERESTED IN THE CONCEPT OF INTEREST..THEN THE GIGS..THE AFTER NIGHT PARTIES.. THE NOT WANTING TO FACE THE TRUTH ..THERE WAS LOVE GOING ON IN MY MIND..SO I GOT MAD..IT WAS NOTHING FOR ME TO GET MY SWERVE ON..I JUST BEEN VERY NUMB.. BITTER..WHAT I SAW WAS BULLSHIT...NOT RIGHT..UNTIL THE NIGHT OF MY GIG IN THE BOWERY..I STARTED THINKING ABOUT HOW MUCH WORK WAS PUT INTO THIS PARTNERSHIP HOW LOVE FOR ME WAS INVISIBLE..BUT..GOT OTHERS THANKING ME ABOUT MY PERFORMANCE..STILL..HOLDING BACK THE TEARS..AFTER I GOT HOME..I SAID I'M GONNA LET IT GO..ASKING MYSELF..WHAT THE HELL IS THIS FOR..ONCE MORE I LET MYSELF BECOME AN OUTCAST..VALENTINE'S DAY ARRIVE..GAVE MYSELF TO MY DAUGHTER..GOT RESPECT WATCHED SOME MOVIES..WENT TO SLEEP..PREPARED MYSELF FOR ANOTHER DAY OF FAMILY..ROUTINES..THOUGHTS WENT RACING THROUGH MY BRAIN AND THEN CAME HIM.. ON THE COMPUTER..RETURNING WORDS..I NEVER MEANT..YOU ARE THE BEST THING I HAVE MET IN YEARS..BUT TO WRITE U OFF..THE TRUTH WAS MY REALITY..I'M IN LOVE...HARD.. JEALOUSY.. CAN'T RESPONSE.AS MUCH AS I WANTED TO..AND THERE U HAVE IT..A TALE OF 2 LIL TOO LATE FOR SORRY...NOT MUCH COMPANY FOR ANYBODY..SO PEOPLE STARTED DROPPING OFF AS MY VISION..SAID GOODBYE..KNOW ALL THE TIME..I CAN'T.. IT HURTS LIKE HELL THOUGH..YOU ARE A VERY SPECIAL LIFE IN MINE AND YOU ALWAYS WILL B..I'M HOLDING ON..DISTANCE SHAKES AND TREMBLE ..AT THE MARE MENTION OF YOUR NAME..I GET BUTTERFLIES..THE HEART DROPS INTO MY LAP..THIS IS WHAT YOU DO..TO A QUEEN..BEEN...PEACE CREATE